She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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