we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
