I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
