be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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