bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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