:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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