Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
