The maid of honor just puked.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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