It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize