either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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