Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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