I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
