Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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