soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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