I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i out mim tonsoeep
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