Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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