covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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