The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
