wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
