i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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