I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
