I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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