U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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