dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
