I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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