come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
