I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize