the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
