I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize