Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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