She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
