Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
