i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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