I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize