So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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