He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
