I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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