Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I miss vodka workout Fridays
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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