I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
