His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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