Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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