I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
A bitchslap is in order.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
