Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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