This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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