i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
