I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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