and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
