what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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