He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
