As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize