My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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