I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
