My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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