i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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