Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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