Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
