Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
