I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize