hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
