I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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