Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
