i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
