On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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