yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
