all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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